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10 Reasons Why You Should Stop Looking At Porn

The other day I was thinking about how I could help a mate get rid of his addiction to porn, so I thought I’d write him a letter, highlight some key issues and hopefully give him some good grounding on why he should rid it from his life. I’d love to know if you’ve found it helpful.

1. PICS STICK
The images you choose to expose your mind to burn themselves into your brain. Your mind persistently clings to them, they won’t go away. At least for me, they still come up years later and I can envision them from time to time. By God’s grace you can learn to shut them down quickly, but its still a big battle that I’d rather not deal with.

2. IT FUELS AN ADDICTION
Porn is an addiction. The more you watch, the more you want to see. You become obsessed. Its a sin, plain and simple, and it will control you. It’s also a waste of time! Imagine those seconds, minutes, possibly hours that you have wasted being addicted to this stuff.

3. IT WRECKS RELATIONSHIPS
It will undeniably affect your future relationships. This one is obvious. You need to recognise how disgusting most girls will find the concept, because most won’t be able to relate to the allure of porn. It can become a real issue, because she will likely feel horrified that you’re sexually contemplating other girls on the side.

4. PRACTICE FOR MARRIAGE
If you get engaged and you’re still stuck in porn, how hard will that make life for you! Imagine how hard it would be to confess that to your wife, and how sad and betrayed she would feel. Practice the self-control that you’ll need for the rest of your life… starting now.

5. YOUR WIFE WON’T COMPETE
When you are married, your wife will have to compete with the images you have in your head. What if she never matches up to it? If she has to realise that you’ve watched something she can not compete with, that is sickening in itself.

6. IT WRECKS SEX
Porn wrecks the fun of having fun when you’re married. If you’ve watched videos, I’m guessing they will come up when you get married and are getting it on. You might even suggest trying things – not telling her you got the idea from porn. That’s secretive and dishonest, and not as fun or pure as if you had been learning together and enjoyed marriage for what it is. You could also become a one minute man.

7. FREEDOM IS BETTER
It feels so good once you’re out of it. I haven’t seen porn for 2 or 3 years now! I may have come across an image or two by accident, but I closed them as quick as I could. It feels amazing that I can do this by God grace and the change in my heart. My relationships with people and God improved drastically!

8. SET AN EXAMPLE
You are a disciple of Christ, but as a part of the body, you also disciple other people. There will be people who respect and follow you, who they learn from you and take on your actions as being an image of Christ. Even if most people don’t know much about this particular sin in your life, by getting rid of it, you’re setting an example. If you can’t master your own body, how can you teach other people to control their desires?

9. WRATH OF FRIENDS, THE GUILT TRIP
If you don’t stop looking at porn, you kinda feel guilty inside. You know its bad, I know its bad, we all do! You won’t get the wrath of friends telling you to get out of it and you’ll feel better all round! It’s a win-win situation.

10. SPIRITUAL POISON
Porn is a spiritual and mental poison. Its an addictive sin that will damage your relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus said that if you even lust upon a woman, it’s committing adultery – Matthew 5:28. Even though we consider ourselves virgins, Christ says that we’re not pure and holy but corrupted and depraved. It DOESN’T glorify God, it grieves him. “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” says Jesus (John 14:15). Do you love Jesus? Then stop slapping him in the face by blatantly disobeying him!

“As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one’s deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.” (1 Peter 1:14-19)

If you have any comments or questions, i’d love to hear, contact me.

YiC

Rhys

  • As an aside, this is not a personal slur on you nor am I trying to justify the porn industry etc, I just like to play devil’s advocate. (Some what appropriate considering the references to religion).

    Now on to the fun part… where should I start? How about at the beginning?

    Introductory paragraph.
    Introduces the topic, and outlines the form of the argument to come.

    Point 1. Pics stick
    If only it was that easy to remember things, No-one would never lose their phone, would get full marks on all exams without studying and would be insanely smart.

    Point 2. It fuels an addiction
    What are you using to classify it as an addiction? Dictionary.com states addiction to be “the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.” Anything can become an addiction. There are people that spend way too much time doing many things. People have died from playing WoW too long. I’ve never heard of anyone dying from watching too much porn, have you? As with anything and everything, moderation is always key.
    You also claim it’s a sin. It’s only point 2 and already we’re heading down the religious path.
    To separate the claims of addictive and sin we shall use some examples.
    Example 1. I love to play guitar and I find the more I play the more I continue playing. But guitar is not a sin, so that some how makes it ok? So it’s not the addiction itself that is a sin, it’s the topic of porn.
    Now to further hammer this home,
    Example II. A person known to me is very, very religious, & always goes to church. There is no way they could stop, it has the signs of what could be called an addiction, and affects the life of this person and those around them. Is this an issue? If you claim addiction itself is a sin then I would find this situation quite ironic.
    So Point 2 should really be labelled as “It’s a sin”. But that wouldn’t read too well for non religious people would it? All I have to say is “I like what you’ve spun there doctor”.
    I will concede you a point in that there are better uses of time.

    Point 3. Porn wrecking relationships/ Point 5 Your wife won’t compete.
    Many, many things can wreck relationships. In this scenario it is most likely the addiction that is actually doing the wrecking here.
    Example 1. Subject A is in a committed relationship.
    Scenario: they enjoy an alcoholic beverage every now and then and the relationship is fine, but if they were a raging alcoholic then it is likely the relationship would end or be unhealthy. It is clearly the addiction that is causing the problem, once again we come back to the key of moderation.
    Now I’m sure there are many girls out there that do find porn disgusting, I’m also willing to bet there are many girls out there that don’t find porn disgusting. I’ll go even further to say that there are girls out there that actually enjoy porn.
    Can I point out that if girls find it disgusting and therefore wouldn’t watch it, what is the reason when THEY have someone on the side, if porn didn’t cause it? (I’m assuming your porn rant is aimed at men) Are you trying to paint the picture that all women are insecure?
    As for being unable to relate here’s something you may find interesting.
    http://www.overcomingbias.com/2008/10/porn-vs-romance.html
    You can thank Google for the 0.22 seconds it took out of busy schedule to help search for information you could have easily found.
    Another site that makes a good point is
    http://net-burst.net/help/fiction.htm
    Which shows how the similarities between porn and romance novels and how both are designed to offer unobtainable perfection, with porn having digitally enhanced stuff etc and novels being written to have the perfect things said at the right time.
    Let’s take the quality of the argument down a step with another example.
    Twilight (shudders) poorly written book or subtle female porn?
    Read by way too many people, the protagonist of this story falls in love with the ‘perfect man’? He says things she wants to hear, is always there for her (he never sleeps) performs inhuman feats to save her from death on more than one occasion and is basically described as perfect in every way throughout the series. See any similarities? The unobtainable perfection that no person could humanly match up against? I don’t see you hoping up on the soap-box to preach against young girls watching twilight, and if you think about it, it’s even worse than porn as it’s marketed at under 18′s, people that are still mentally developing. There’s nothing like warping the fragile, innocent young minds of today’s youth isn’t there Mrs Meyer?

    Point 4. Practice for marriage
    Once again we’re back to addiction. How sad and betrayed your wife/husband would feel? Maybe the real issue is keeping it behind their back and not telling/lying to them and the breaking of the honesty and trust in a relationship as opposed to the actual topic. You say how difficult it would be to confess to your wife, maybe this is the kind of thing you should tell someone before you get married? The addiction is the key point here again, besides if the wife/husband has no issue with porn (in a non addictive scenario a.k.a in moderation) then this is a moot point.

    Point 6. It wrecks sex
    How so? Wrecks the fun or can possibly add ideas (within reason of course)? If you suggest ideas and lie about where you got the idea from that’s an issue about dishonesty and breaking trust (caused by addiction in this case) not where you actually got the idea from.
    Not as fun or pure? So then if girls are talking amongst themselves and a friend suggests a new position or something to another that is not fun or pure because it is an outside knowledge source. Are you condemning all mediums through which sexually related knowledge is passed or just porn? Should we condemn people for talking about sex in general because it is impure? Where will you draw the line? Shall we ban sex education from school because they won’t learn about it by themselves when they are older?
    Here’s a quote “enjoyed marriage for what it is”
    Are you implying that you can only learn things together when married your vagueness doesn’t help your point.
    As for the one minute man. What’s your supporting evidence for this? I believe this is one of those myths or fallacies. Do you also believe you will go blind or grow hair on your palms? Your argument for the one minute man is not only not backed up with evidence but if anything it would be a result of masturbation not porn. Are you also saying that masturbation is a sin or that it will ruin your life?

    Point 7. Freedom is better/ Point 9. The wraith of friends, The guilt trip/ Point 10. Spiritual Poison.
    This all sounds like very preachy religious talk to me. Not a stretch of the imagination considering that 10 is made up of 69.6% of religious quotes. The best part is i didn’t make that statistic up. I took out the quotes and did the math. The remaining 30.4% is still all religious but not a direct quote giving a grand score of 100% religious. So you may have one point for against religion (if you subscribe to one)
    As for freedom, you make it sound like you had an addiction. In that case breaking addiction is always good if it is damaging to yourself or others. But i personally believe everyone is entitled to the freedom to do what they want, and that includes what they watch.
    Wraith of friends? Why should people feel guilty, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with their choice. I’ll even go so far as to say that porn is a good thing. “What you say” Well here is some academic proof
    http://anthonydamato.law.northwestern.edu/Adobefiles/porn.pdf
    Long story short, the increased availability of porn has led to a decrease in rape in the US. (Even if I say that some of that cane be attributed to better education, wouldn’t that be talking about sex in an open manner with others which would be wrecking sex?) How can that be anything but a good thing? to argue against it would be to almost condone rape as an alternative. (Spin can go both ways my friend)
    and just so i don’t miss one
    Point 8. Set an example
    Still got the religious start but the way you say teach others sounds to me more like your talking down to people who watch porn. Do you somehow think you are superior to them or that they are somehow inferior to you? This point basically boils down to claiming porn is a sin. Also I’ve never had people come to my door asking if I’ve found porn bringing books and/or pamphlets for additional information on how to bring porn into my life. It’s not something people brag about, generally talk about publicly or shove down the throats of those who don’t want to hear it. So it’s hardly about setting an example. It would be more of an issue about setting an example if it was something that could be publicly seen, and if your situation is like that you have bigger problems to deal with.

    I look forward to your reply.
    My apologies for the excessive use of reductio ad absurdum but it makes things more fun. Once again nothing personal, so take no offence.
    I’ve also included a graph for a visual representation of your piece for fun.
    http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/2428/graphnt.jpg

    Yours sincerely
    Dr S. Pin

    J(pretty obvious who this is)d

    September 30, 2010

  • haha, hey Dr S. Pin ;) Before i create my 10 page essay response, i would like to clarify that it was aimed at Christians and not exactly for secular reading aha which is why some points possibly mean alot more and make sense to me and others than yourself. Will chat soooon :)

    Ardorpes

    October 2, 2010

  • Ah well i wasn’t sure if it was aimed at christians or the world at large from a christian perspective, so i went with aimed towards general public. However I still expect that 10 page essay response, just so you have to write it haha.
    Will do, looking forward to it.

  • J(no idea)d
    are you serious?

    Are you actually defending porn?

    Sorry… i just didn’t know there were people who took that view…

    hayesy

    October 6, 2010

  • Am I serious about what? That everyone/everything has the right to have both sides of the story heard? Of course.

    Am I defending it? Well everything has it’s pro’s and it’s cons and in this piece of work 10 cons have been presented. I attempted to counter every point with a pro each. I would say I was definitely without a doubt, defending it.
    I never stated that was my personal view or claimed I was pro or con. I just showed the other side of the coin.

    There are always going to be others who have a view different to the one I, or anyone for that matter, has.
    In the end though, regardless of what your opinion is or what side you take, wouldn’t you agree it is always a good thing to be open minded, take others into consideration and to make rational, informed decisions?

  • hey J(pretty obvious who this is)d. I have returned to reply to your comment :) After a finished semester, pretty sure i smashed my 2 exams and now have some free time :D

    RE Point 1. Pics stick
    Now your trying to be funny :P but its actually been proved that pics do stick. now why is this different to losing your phone and remembering things is because of the arousing factor. Research has proven that when you are aroused your brain is stimulated and images you see are “burnt in” as such. So of course this isn’t going work on those things you mentioned. Although, maybe if you tried to be aroused by studying and becoming more intellectual you may indeed become very smart ;) ha
    I looked everywhere for the article about this but i cant find it! when i find it i will be sure to post it back here :)

    RE Point 2. It fuels an addiction
    This is based on the thinking that an addiction is something of an Idol, and as Christians, placing something as an idol instead of God is sin. Some verses that reflect this thinking:
    Colossians 3:5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
    Ephesians 5:5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
    Hopefully that point now makes sense for you?

    RE Point 3. Porn wrecking relationships/ Point 5 Your wife won’t compete.
    Now on these points it is again aimed at Christians, and Christian men/women relationships.
    Your statement “I’m also willing to bet there are many girls out there that don’t find porn disgusting. I’ll go even further to say that there are girls out there that actually enjoy porn.” is true, but as i said this article was aimed at Christians, and i for one wouldn’t find that an attractive attribute in looking for a marriage partner. I would to become jealous and this article could also work in the reverse, that is for the women not to look at porn.

    RE Point 4. Practice for marriage
    This specically realtes to Christian marriages, theyre a man and wife to the exclusion of all others. So again, you might not understand this point being secular.

    RE Point 6. It wrecks sex
    “Not as fun or pure? So then if girls are talking amongst themselves and a friend suggests a new position or something to another that is not fun or pure because it is an outside knowledge source. Are you condemning all mediums through which sexually related knowledge is passed or just porn?”
    No, specially just talking about porn, as the matter is your lusting and remembering that lust when thinking of the positons etc. Getting ideas from a friend is kind of different, but still should be careful about how you go about that.
    “Should we condemn people for talking about sex in general because it is impure?”
    God created sex and its pure in its finest form, between man and women in marriage. It only becomes unpure when it is outside what its intended purpose was.
    Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
    “Where will you draw the line? Shall we ban sex education from school because they won’t learn about it by themselves when they are older?”
    Im not disagreeing in that its wrong to learn about it, but the main issue is lust. Lust being aroused for someone other than your spouse.

    “As for the one minute man. What’s your supporting evidence for this? I believe this is one of those myths or fallacies.”
    ok, so i did a quick google http://goo.gl/lFoXa and the first article says it doesnt, then i came across this article http://goo.gl/BqeG1 “Masturbation: It is NOT healthy for you, contrary to popular belief!” which could be another reason for not masturbating! But then again there is no scientific evidence. I guess if you were keen beans to prove me wrong and look up journal articles, go for it ;) but this wasnt the main point of the article, so ill leave it out of the argument for now :)

    RE Point 7. Freedom is better/ Point 9. The wraith of friends, The guilt trip/ Point 10. Spiritual Poison.
    Again, very christian directed. Freedom is better is again talking about not being addicted, idolising it instead of God. The wraith of friends relates to your christian mates keeping you accountable. Which would seem strange to a non christian, but generally Christians have mates who keep them accountable and see how they are going with struggles in their life and talk about very deep issues ;) – Spiritual poison…. well you can ask me about that some other time :P

    RE Point 8. Set an example
    haha yea, you wouldn’t really understand this point i guess, but those in christian circles and those in leadership positions this would make much more sense, so yea, not really applicable to you.

    The reason that Christians put all this thought into little things is because of the truth that we believe in. If Jesus really did die and rise again, i reckon you can either have two responses to that historic event. You can ignore it and not believe it, OR you can take it as truth, but in doing so, requires a radical response on your behalf. Living for him and becoming more like him, rather than living for yourself.
    Jesus’s death allows us to have this relationship with God and live for him as his death takes our punishment for our sin and rebellion against God. 1 Peter 3:18 “Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.”

    If you got any questions re answers let me know :)

    Ardorpes

    November 28, 2010

  • i’m not a Christians nor a guy…..and i find this very helpful….thank you
    i needed to hear this

    amy

    January 19, 2011

  • A related article i came across – Does Men’s ‘Bond’ with Porn Ruin Them for Real-Life Sex?

    http://healthland.time.com/2011/02/09/do-men-really-bond-with-porn-spoiling-them-for-real-life-sex/

    Ardorpes

    February 15, 2011

  • Ardorpes

    March 3, 2011

  • Ardorpes

    March 17, 2011

  • haha Ardorpes you pawned JD

    I don’t know if you are gonna reply to this but…

    I was very frustrated and depressed becuase everytime I watch porn and masturbate, huge guilt would drown me and I prayed to God to help me. It’s been about 4 years since I started watching porn and 2 years since the intensity increased and I wanted to stop.

    Today, I looked through my history page and found my bookmarked pornsite. I clicked it- absent minded- and started to watch it. To my surprise, I…wasn’t getting aroused and I wasn’t enjoying it. It was my favorite scene too, with my favorite pornstar. But…I wasn’t feeling any joy or excitement. I was rather…bored.

    Now that I think about it, I am quite depressed that I wasted my time and energy into something that wasn’t really my source of joy.

    Do you think God has been shielding me? And do you think this is my first step in overcoming porn?

    Thanks.

    Vincent

    July 7, 2011

  • Hey Ardorpres… Thanks for the good article.

    To JD, I imagine you are a frequent P user if you will go through the time to post the other side to the “argument”.

    First off, I am a Christian, so a non-Christian may find what I say to be biased, but here goes because as I am learning more about this addiction — and yes, it is an addiction — I want others to know more as well, albeit this is a short response.

    I’m part of a fairly active porn addicts recovery forum (throughtheflame.org) and we have folks from all ages, all continents, and all beliefs (from eastern religions, to Christians, to atheists) and we are either struggling with P or have a SO struggling with P. I am of the former and I must say P is a very hard thing to quit. Very hard. I’m nearly 40 days sober, but I still have very very difficult urges.

    For those who believe P may be fine and dandy if used in moderation or “responsibly” are most definitely deceiving themselves. It cannot be used responsibly and it is most definitely addicting. The chemicals released by the brain and the associations made with P literally re-wire our brains. Check out yourbrainonporn.com for starters. Next, read accounts about people trying to quit — or better yet — try to quit yourself. You’ll find you probably have a hard time going a few days or even a week without it.

    But it is a fight that is worth it. For the above reasons in this excellent post, but for many more as well.

    Pornography is not harmless as some may claim. Don’t let yourself be deceived.

    FD

    February 29, 2012

  • Thanks for sharing mate :)

    Ardorpes

    February 29, 2012

  • Wow jd, for someone with a supposed doctorate you make some very poor arguments. Straw man much?

    Fudge

    June 10, 2012

  • Hello sir, I’m an Asian boy who is really young.
    I am 13.
    You might get surprised at my age.
    But I confess I am guilty of what I did and I would like to say I am the sinner of the sinner, and the dirtiest among the sinners.
    I know I am sinning.
    But I would like to thank you sir.
    And I want to say one thing to JD and many other people.
    It is not religious that you are saved but it is by the mercy of God.
    I am sure many people who attend church will go to hell.
    I would like to dance if only 5% of the Korean churches come back to God.
    Please pray for me and for my country as well.
    ( Please overlook my grammars.)

    Pete

    September 13, 2012

  • Hey this is encouraging. I was first introduced to porn when i was in 3rd grade, I was a quick addict even that young. I am ashamed of it but i still struggle with it to this day and I am 17. I accepted Jesus in my life when i was about 12, I was able to stop with all my other sins but porn. I feel that i am still a slave when it comes to that. Please pray for me though. i will appreciate that someone out there is encouraging me.

    Josh

    December 31, 2012

  • Ardorpes

    November 4, 2013

  • This has been a very good article for me and all your comments have been very helpful. Porn is very hard to overcome. There is dvd called”Someone’s Daughter. It is very good and takes one married couple, 3 guys which one is a pastor. I still struggle with porn very much. I know I want out. I am married. and yes my wife should not have to compete. I have not been fair ti her or God. I may not seem to know what i’m talking about. But I know this, porn destroys everything you hold most dear to the heart. I want to quit and be sober like the one guy 40 days and counting. That’s victory over porn for me I pray very soon. I hope we can agree on this, Let God reign in our hearts and be Godly men and women for the kingdom of God. Come soon Lord Jesus I pray!!!

    Dave

    March 7, 2014

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